He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
