I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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