My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
