My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
