The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
