don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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