If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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