obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
