Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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