It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
