i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize