Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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