hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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