dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
