I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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