he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
