My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
