im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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