I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
