just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
