Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
