I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize