Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize