and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
