Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
