Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
