I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
