i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
