I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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