I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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