I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
