we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Randomize
