i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
