It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
