Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
