Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just google imaged poop.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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