Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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