I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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