At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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