So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
