i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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