Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize