True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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