went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
