can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
