my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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