the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
