do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
