I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize