so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
