My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
