its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize