I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
