i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
