Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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