We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
