shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
