Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
