There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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