what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
