you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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