Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
