i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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