The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
