; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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