i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
