I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize