Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
