he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
