Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
