sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
