I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
