I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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