you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
