Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You are a genius and a whore.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
