Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
