Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
