I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
