I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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