he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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