How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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