I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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