I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
