then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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