the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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