The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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