Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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