Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
