Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
