I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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