I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
