mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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