And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
