Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize