I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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