I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
