mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
