1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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