Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
