I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
