Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
