nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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