Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
