you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize