the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
