I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
