why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
